If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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