I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
