In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
