so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
