but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
