Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
