The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
