Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
