Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am full of burrito and curiosity
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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