I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
