"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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