You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
