sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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