i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
