you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
