you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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