the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
