Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
