'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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