You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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