that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
