so explain again why im purple
no
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
