why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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