I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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