If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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