We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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