Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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