I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
