Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
