he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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