in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
