I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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