Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
