My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
