Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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