I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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