girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
