he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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