This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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