to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
