Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
