That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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