and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
home. puking in laundry basket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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