I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
