8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Randomize
