Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
