Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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