do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have demons in me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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