I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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