if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
