Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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