Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
