I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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