I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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