Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's just like the Real World with babies
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
