Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
