All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
