Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
