Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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