so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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