Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
