Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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