I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
