who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
