that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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