my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
