i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
