I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
