I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
